Must Hear This Album
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Okay, so we’re all “super fans,” I know, but I can’t help but think there haven’t been moments in the duo’s career that haven’t been head-scratching, cringe-inducing moments for each of us, right? I know I commit at least 5 such moments for my wife every week! So in the tradition of the recent rock-crit book, “Kill Your Idols,” I offer up my “Top 10 Most Cringe-inducing Carpenters Moments:
5. Space Encounters: As I’ve written elsewhere, I can’t help but think this ill-conceived television special, as well as the related Klaatu cover, was born out of the Star Wars, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (as opposed to the first and second kinds?) outer space-crazed North American culture in the late 1970’s. That it included two of the cheesiest guest stars of the era and included some horrific, crunchy dancing by big brother, Richard, makes this one of the most cringe-inducing moments of the duo’s career. May the cheese be with you…
4. “Remember When Lovin’ Took All Night?”: Um, no. No, I don’t. This song from Karen’s solo album was wrong on soooo many levels. It’s like accidentally stumbling upon your newly-divorced Aunt’s profile picture on a dating website (not that it’s ever happened to me, per se, but it would be just like that…). It’s a song about crazy “all night” copulation, sang in a perky, soccer mom style in Karen’s unflattering upper register. In a word, “Icky.” In my mind’s eye, Karen is performing this song in the wacky outfit she wore for the “Goofus” television special clip, with the exaggerated, elbowy arm swinging choreography. Not sexy. And despite the “Pepsodent Twins” stereotype, Karen’s vocals could be terribly sexy (e.g., “Superstar,” “(I’m Caught Between) Goodbye And I Love You,” “Baby, It’s You,” etc.).
3. “That’s What I Believe”: Karen didn’t have the only solo lapse(s) of judgment. From Richard’s first solo effort, Time, this cheesy song was, truly, the worst on the album. “All you have to do is dream and never compromise…that’s what I believe.” Thanks for that profound advice, Scott and Richard! Dreaming and never compromising gets one so very far in pretty much everything, right? Sigh… True confessions time: that said, I am Grime’s age, and at that time, and I was over-the-top jealous of his opportunity to work with Richard, not only on this song, but on Carpenter’s production of Grime’s entire debut (and only?) album. It stung my high school, choir kid heart that Carpenter suggested in interviews Grimes has a “promising future” in the business. That should have been me! Ugh! What I wouldn’t have done to trade places with that lucky kid - even on this dumb song.
2. “Please Mr. Postman” Video: Is it just me, or is Karen completely high in this video? That’s right, I said it: high. On marijuana. And don’t be shocked, as the siblings purported their support of the legalization of marijuana in a People Magazine publication from the late 1970’s / early 1980’s. True story. Look it up. Not only did Karen look high, but Richard just looked uncomfortable in this video clip, and the Disney smiles and (again) crunchy elbow choreography by Karen didn’t help the duo’s rock cred all that much.
1. Album Covers: I posit the following album covers did the most damage: Close To You (were they siblings, or a married couple? Weird. And are Karen’s shoes too big? It looks like they are. And how did they get out on those rocks? Especially Karen in the dress? Ill-advised), A Song For You (as others have said, it looks like a Valentine card. Not helpful), A Kind Of Hush (clearly, a lot of ideas were put into the album packaging for this one, but mostly bad ideas, cheesy cover photo and art, and the duo look absolutely depressed on the inside lyrics insert. The clear exception, here, is the inside of the cover cardboard, which was wallpapered with the famous logo – that was pretty amazing), and Made In America (the flowing hair to the back cover was just weird), and while the “Tan Album,” with the graduation photo concept, was a great idea, the inside photo had, essentially, the same problems as CTY, but just different outfits.
Had I been their manager back in the early 1970’s, I would have encouraged the duo to strike a more surreptitious pose with the media, to not grant interviews, to trash a few hotel rooms, stage a few public brawls (I’m only half-kidding…), and to keep an arms-length from media and cameras, in general, much in the same vein as brother/sister duo “The White Stripes.” Their catch phrase could have been, to borrow a phrase from Rolling Stone magazine, “Soft Rocking, Hard Living.” Sweet music, mysterious image. I’m guessing that image-conscious rock journalism of the day would have slurped that up with a curly straw, as the suburban image seemed to be an albatross as it relates to critics. That said, K&R were just being their wonderful selves…
5. Space Encounters: As I’ve written elsewhere, I can’t help but think this ill-conceived television special, as well as the related Klaatu cover, was born out of the Star Wars, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind (as opposed to the first and second kinds?) outer space-crazed North American culture in the late 1970’s. That it included two of the cheesiest guest stars of the era and included some horrific, crunchy dancing by big brother, Richard, makes this one of the most cringe-inducing moments of the duo’s career. May the cheese be with you…
4. “Remember When Lovin’ Took All Night?”: Um, no. No, I don’t. This song from Karen’s solo album was wrong on soooo many levels. It’s like accidentally stumbling upon your newly-divorced Aunt’s profile picture on a dating website (not that it’s ever happened to me, per se, but it would be just like that…). It’s a song about crazy “all night” copulation, sang in a perky, soccer mom style in Karen’s unflattering upper register. In a word, “Icky.” In my mind’s eye, Karen is performing this song in the wacky outfit she wore for the “Goofus” television special clip, with the exaggerated, elbowy arm swinging choreography. Not sexy. And despite the “Pepsodent Twins” stereotype, Karen’s vocals could be terribly sexy (e.g., “Superstar,” “(I’m Caught Between) Goodbye And I Love You,” “Baby, It’s You,” etc.).
3. “That’s What I Believe”: Karen didn’t have the only solo lapse(s) of judgment. From Richard’s first solo effort, Time, this cheesy song was, truly, the worst on the album. “All you have to do is dream and never compromise…that’s what I believe.” Thanks for that profound advice, Scott and Richard! Dreaming and never compromising gets one so very far in pretty much everything, right? Sigh… True confessions time: that said, I am Grime’s age, and at that time, and I was over-the-top jealous of his opportunity to work with Richard, not only on this song, but on Carpenter’s production of Grime’s entire debut (and only?) album. It stung my high school, choir kid heart that Carpenter suggested in interviews Grimes has a “promising future” in the business. That should have been me! Ugh! What I wouldn’t have done to trade places with that lucky kid - even on this dumb song.
2. “Please Mr. Postman” Video: Is it just me, or is Karen completely high in this video? That’s right, I said it: high. On marijuana. And don’t be shocked, as the siblings purported their support of the legalization of marijuana in a People Magazine publication from the late 1970’s / early 1980’s. True story. Look it up. Not only did Karen look high, but Richard just looked uncomfortable in this video clip, and the Disney smiles and (again) crunchy elbow choreography by Karen didn’t help the duo’s rock cred all that much.
1. Album Covers: I posit the following album covers did the most damage: Close To You (were they siblings, or a married couple? Weird. And are Karen’s shoes too big? It looks like they are. And how did they get out on those rocks? Especially Karen in the dress? Ill-advised), A Song For You (as others have said, it looks like a Valentine card. Not helpful), A Kind Of Hush (clearly, a lot of ideas were put into the album packaging for this one, but mostly bad ideas, cheesy cover photo and art, and the duo look absolutely depressed on the inside lyrics insert. The clear exception, here, is the inside of the cover cardboard, which was wallpapered with the famous logo – that was pretty amazing), and Made In America (the flowing hair to the back cover was just weird), and while the “Tan Album,” with the graduation photo concept, was a great idea, the inside photo had, essentially, the same problems as CTY, but just different outfits.
Had I been their manager back in the early 1970’s, I would have encouraged the duo to strike a more surreptitious pose with the media, to not grant interviews, to trash a few hotel rooms, stage a few public brawls (I’m only half-kidding…), and to keep an arms-length from media and cameras, in general, much in the same vein as brother/sister duo “The White Stripes.” Their catch phrase could have been, to borrow a phrase from Rolling Stone magazine, “Soft Rocking, Hard Living.” Sweet music, mysterious image. I’m guessing that image-conscious rock journalism of the day would have slurped that up with a curly straw, as the suburban image seemed to be an albatross as it relates to critics. That said, K&R were just being their wonderful selves…
